Intellectual and Spiritual Impotency

Well, I am stuck. Words are not flowing and ideas are stagnant. Before Xmas I had a better idea of which direction I was going in and felt a lot more peaceful than I did at the beginning of the year. My sons fathers death kind of threw me and all my intelligence just dried up. I am unfocused and I cannot concentrate. I am also really tired - more tired than usual and everything makes me slightly angry. Nature makes me cry more than ever and I cannot be bothered socialising at all. I guess I am grieving in a angry, hollow, very unspiritual way. Funny that, considering we were far from being friends and I cannot count the times that I wished he would drop dead. Be careful what you wish for! The Universe was definitely listening and displayed its true awesome power that day. I'm not sad that he is dead, I am just sad that he had to die. I spend all my life trying to discover my "true potential". He obviously didn't feel that he deserved his true potential or that it was to scary and maybe he wouldn't know what to do with it if he found it. Hell, I don't know either! I guess I've got that "keep going" button, even if I am terrified. Maybe thats what made us different and unable to communicate. Who knows.........I am going to let it go and, UNIVERSE, PLEASE GIVE ME BACK MY MOJO!!!!