Messages from God?....

I have lived with the diagnosis of perimenopause now for 5 months. I have tried a couple of hormone replacement therapies with negative and positive outcomes. It is hard to say what works....and what doesn't. You just go with "How do I feel today?". Sometimes a decent sleep or a nice bowl of food will do the trick, you say.....but the sleep is elusive and the food feels like lead in your guts. Yep, I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy for that is just the beginning.

I have had the most terrifying and amazing dreams due to hormone chaos. These dreams are terribly portentous and have that patina of the supernatural. My lesson? Let go of the rational mind every once in a while. If I do not, I will lose my mind. Who said that this is a "natural part of life", that every woman goes through this natural course? Yeah, right. There is nothing natural about this.

In my dreams, I have had messages from God in the image of a vampire, fumbling seductions of men that look like Botticelli angels only to find that I cannot "get it up" and such nightmares that I have had to fall back to sleep in sweat covered skin with the light on. Apologies for using vulgarities, but peri will strip all pretense bare and my doctor appreciated the fact that I could not reach tumescense. Yep, we had a good laugh about that considering I am a woman. But I am barely that for shamefully, I am impotent.

This is a hard road......but an important one. For I have questioned again my lack of faith and am loving God with trepidation. We are back in love again and with all love comes trust. So He needs to trust me and I need to trust Him. We will get there. I have had a personal message from Him. He has His eye on me.

My name is also Hebrew for "unique to God" or "not another like it"......something like that....well I got goosebumps when I heard that my name is a personal recommendation to God.

Thanks God, it is really good to see you again......I've really missed you.